Our weight, that is! Go me, I made a pun! I find puns hard to come up with and often wish I had the intelligence and quick wit required to come up with "funnies," so this is a big moment!
Anywho, I am a firm believer that you aren't what you eat, but you are what your soul makes you.*
Well, I make be 50% fat and 50% soul, but you get my point. My soul is powerful! :)
Last weekend we went out with a bunch of friends. We found ourselves at a popular restaurant and later a bar and, thus, surrounded by the hip and swanky. I have never really put myself in this category, so I spent 90 minutes on physical (and emotional) prep for this event. I talking Spanx*, hot rollers and body glitter, people! If others wouldn't question my sanity, my everyday life would be filled with body glitter! Just sayin'! I fully admit to putting said glitter on Izzy and she loved it! God, I love that
So, we arrive at our first stop and I happen to notice a large amount of Skinny Bitches. Yes, Skinny Bitch is capitalized because I consider it a proper noun and when I say it out loud* I put a little* bit of nastiness in my tone. Urbandictionary.com has definitions for the term skinny bitch*, but they don't really matter.
From the dictionary of Janelly:
Skinny Bitch - Proper Noun [bich] - damn near every thin pretty gal I have ever met. Possibly related terms: Super Skinny Bitch, Skinny Super Bitch.
While we were enjoying our meal, I didn't noticed the large* number of Skinny Bitches in the dining room. Oh, they were there, trust me. I just couldn't see them because my seat faced the wall and the lighting was set to "super swanky.*" But, as we were leaving there was a group of Them* by the door. They had precariously perched their skinny asses on the ultimate stilettos. And it appears that Skinny Bitch boyfriends don't know how to call ahead and make reservations because those Skinny Bitches has been standing there for a long time and didn't look happy. Hahahaha! Random [some may call violent] acts began to enter my mind. Like, I could just stick my big toe out and push that toothpick heel right out from under her. And, while she's down, I am gonna pry her jaws open and shove 30 pounds of chocolate cake down her gullet! BWHAHAHAHAHA! Oh, and just to make sure I leave a trademark, I will spritz her with just a tad of body glitter. [snicker, snicker]
And, NO, I. AM. NOT. A. BITTER. FAT. CHICK! Stop thinking that.
I am simply 2.27 of Skinny Bitch in one. If the world ends tomorrow and they die of starvation, I will prevail and rule the world! And, possible have snacks in my purse that will be for sale for a small fee. And body glitter will be worn on a daily basis (according to the Law of Janelly Code 239.75 Page 64, Line 8).
*Deep shit, I know.
*Which I quickly decided it was way too hot to wear and was limiting my ability to take a full breath.
*Out loud or in my head
*Or a lot
*Urban dictionary clearly doesn't stress the need to capitalize this term
*I love to put "fat" related connotations in a sentence with Skinny Bitch!
*Super swanky required my friend to use my IPhone flash light app to read the menu
*Note the capitalization
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