For two weeks now we have had ATT Uverse. They provide us with phone, TV and internet service. Phone is pretty much unlimited, internet is super quick, and the TV is 200 channels of happiness on 5 TVs with DVR!!! I am in heaven. It took the amazing tech 8 hours to install all this. Boxes, wires and no service during that time.
On day 7 of service Rob was watching the Golf network. Which, for the record, this is one of the 200 channels that I think is completely stupid. Yes, stupid. For hours men will talk about which club to use and proper stance and all kinds of bullshit. I. hate. that. channel. I wouldn't need to be waterboarded to talk*, I would simply need to be put in a room with no remote and constant streaming of The Golf Channel. I would sell my soul to Satan to make it stop.
Anywho, Rob is watching Golf and Jake is on the internet, when everything stops working. Phones are flashing "no line," internet can't connect and all 5 TV screens are blue. Well, shit.
So, my husband decides that we can deal with it later*, drops me a text and goes on his merry little way.
I proceed to chat online, from another location since my internet is not working and all, with tech support. I get the very commonly named agent, Yogesh. Yogesh and I seem to have a communication barrier.* I tell him that I am not at home and I have no service of any kind. After Yogesh's 15 attempts to have me reboot one of the 16 hundred boxes in our home, I finally get him to understand I am not there. He gives me instructions of what to do and a number to call back if it doesn't work. A wrong number, might I add!!!!
Two hours later I am done with work and all confident that a "box reboot" will fix our little* problem. It doesn't! IT DOES NOT RESTORE SERVICE! I am melting down here, people!
So, back to the customer service number.
I call in and realize that Yogesh, bless his little heart, gave me a disconnected number. Finally I find a working number and the first 15 minutes are me screaming at an automated program. Random words: yes, no, my phone number is, no service, representative, representative, REPRESENTATIVE! Lots of pounding on "0." You get the picture.
Finally, I get a human. This human spends another 15 minutes "troubleshooting" the problem. Nothing. By this time I have heard that they "apologize for my inconvenience" about 30 times. Now they are transferring me to a different department and supposedly escalating my call. I firmly believe that the escalation of my call was due to the large amount of crazy that I was giving off. 35 minutes into this call I get the escalation department and another tech support. By now I am Done with a capital D!
Here is the basic convo:
Tech guy: "Hello, Mrs. Finie. I am sorry for your inconvenience. Let me look into this."
Me: "Hello, Mr. Tech Dude. First of all, my name is Finnie not Finie! And, I am really sorry you had to answer my call because I am pissed. This is day 7 of your company's wonderful* service and I have nothing. No TV, no internet, and no home phone. I have wasted almost 2 hours so far today trying to figure this problem out. And to top it off, I was in the middle of DVRing 'Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter is Dead' and now I can never get that back. This is way beyond an inconvenience."
Tech Guy: "Ummm, ok then. Well, can you reboot the back up battery box?"
Me: "Huh?"
Tech Guy: "Yes, the white 8X10X12 box that was installed inside your home that supplies power to all services."
Me: "Are you fucking serious?* I have 5 boxes, one at each TV, a big grey thing on the outside of my house and a box at the computers. There is no 8X10X12 white box."
Tech Guy: "Yes, ma'am, there is such a box. You can't have service without it. It may be in your basement, attic or garage. It is usually hidden or out of the way."
Me: "Well, that is just stupid. Wouldn't that be vital information the installation tech should have told us?"
[for the next 20 minutes I go through the garage and basement until I find the stupid fucking box]
ME: "Found it. Now what in the hell was you it wanted me to do?"
Tech Guy: "Use a paper clip and press and hold the small button on the side of the box for 15 seconds.
Me: "Let me find a paper clip, climb my fat ass up the ladder and do just that. Please hold (said in my best sexy phone operator voice). . . OK, done."
Tech Guy: "Hmmm. Uh Huh. Well . . . "*
Me: "Ummm, yeah. What do you mean by that?"
Tech Guy: "Well it appears that there is a T error code 103 in your area. Let me escalate this call. It appears there is an area outage affecting about 1000 customers."
Me: "I thought this call already was escalated? So, you are telling me 1000 customers are without service and you didn't know that until I went up a ladder and reset a little box? Really, dude*?!"
After about 5 more minutes of this tech dude rambling on about escalation and T error codes he says that he is yet again escalating this and we should have service restored withing 3-4 hours.
Me: "Thank you, Mr. Tech Guy. Sorry I was bitchy to you. I don't have much in my life, I love TV and I have really bad PMS."
Tech Guy: "It's ok. I understand. I am married."
30 MFing hours later service is restored. I was hours away from checking into a hotel. Not Kidding.
Rob and I were talking on the couch late Sunday night when I noticed the lights on one of the precious boxes turn from red to green and begin flashing.* I stopped Rob from talking, grabbed the phone and Holy Mother of Mary there was a dial tone. I run to the computer and there is internet access! And, here is the big moment. . . . I grab the remote, say 7 Hail Mary's and press power: [insert Angels signing and lights from heaven shinning down] WE. HAVE. TV. I don't remember saying goodnight to Rob or what we even watched. We each picked a TV and just sat there watching it work. Priceless!
*Not that I have anything to talk about, but just in case I ever do.
*Men!
*Imagine that!
*This was before I realize we had gone from little problem to royal crisis.
*I use that term loosely.
*Yes, I really said this.
*For the love of God, use words and talk.
*I still don't know his name.
*I may not have been looking at Rob while he was talking.
No comments:
Post a Comment